Drug Rehab Experiences

Part 3 of 5 - Maya's journey from internship student to full rehab

I'm Not What Other's Think About Me?

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Experiences in Drug Rehab[/caption]As I started digging some more, I was very surprised by what I discovered. From my early age, I have come to believe I was what others thought of me. I have lived my life according to how I was perceived by others; depending on others approval to accept who I was. By believing this, I have accepted the unacceptable. I have put myself in such situations and relationships that weren't respectful.I thought this was how I was supposed to live. I thought that if I tried to reach perfection, nobody could disapprove of me. In the midst of all this, I always wondered why I attracted similar situations. Why my love life was a disaster for example. Well, I finally got to an understanding. I’ve understood that as we are children, the unresolved tensions with our parents are memorized as a song. Later on, when we meet people that have this same song, we are draw to them because we know the song. We know the lyrics so well. In other words, we want to fix what we weren’t able to fix in our relations with our parents. At least for me this speaks totally. This is of course not the case in true healthy relationships.

Not Taking Things Personally

In my childhood, I felt like I was rejected from my father emotionally. I learned later on that this was not the reality but simply a false belief. Before I came to this realization, during a long time, without even knowing, that belief was running my life. So, it makes sense that I connected with guys that, on some level, reminded me of my dad. My first boyfriend, for example, rejected me for who I was; he wanted me to be different. This being a similar feeling I was used to, I began my attempt to get what I needed, all of this unconsciously of course. Thinking I needed to change in order to be approved, I started putting his needs first.This is a perfect example of the damage a false belief created in our childhood can make. As I was in this destructive relationship, I didn't realize I was loosing myself, because I was still on my mission trying to fix my broken relationship with my dad. I actually have still suffered from this false belief until not long ago. The interesting fact is that it never occurred to me that he was treating me poorly. No, I took the blame even when I knew I was not the one responsible. Why? Because I agreed that on some level I deserved being treated that way. So, I accepted being treated poorly, because I didn't respect myself enough. It basically all comes back to how we treat and feel about ourselves.

Letting Go

During these weeks, through the various assignments, therapy and counseling sessions, insights came. I faced this belief and decided to let it go because it is no longer serving me. I know now that whatever someone thinks of me has nothing to do with me really. In reality, someone can think I am amazing, and someone on the contrary can think I am a looser. I haven’t changed, yet there are two opposite perceptions of me. How is that possible? Well, simply because how someone feels about me has to do with their own perception of themselves, needs, and belief system.

Dear Me,

One exercise that helped me a lot in coming to terms with some of my old beliefs was writing a letter to myself when I was 15 year old. Picturing myself at that time, I had to give that younger version of me the advice I wish I was given. It felt like a relief and was a very empowering exercise. Putting myself back in that period, I realized how very hurt and lost I was. I recommend this to anybody that wants to let go of the past. Also writing a letter to anybody that has hurt us without actually giving it to them, is a great way to forgive and move on.

To Be Continued...

Maya is an intern student at Serenity Vista Addiction Recovery Drug Rehab in Panama. Follow along with her as she has an up close and personal view of what rehab is really like.Coming to terms with beliefs and expectations that you don't even know you have is part of a great drug rehab experience. Serenity Vista is a private pay, holistic, 12 Step based recovery program located in Panama. Come and find out what you really believe in, and if it is working for you. 90 Day Drug Rehab is your best bet.