Why Am I An Alcoholic?

Alcoholic – Just like Dad

why am i an alcoholic

I said I would never become like my Dad, but I was.

Growing up in an alcoholic home gave me an opportunity to hone and sharpen my survival-skills-set. It was always a gauntlet navigating the various stages of a drunk-father and a codependent-crazy mother. My two sisters were busy pretending everything was ‘perfect’ and hiding the evidence of our dysfunctional and violent family life. I swore I was going to get out of the madness by working hard, keeping my head down, and being successful unlike my ‘failure of a father’.  I got out as soon as I could and any backward looks were rare.

Through my compulsive and obsessive work ethic, financial success was evident. The perfect show house, the head-turning car, the investments, beautiful new wife… ahh yes, I had arrived!

The Slow Creep Up and Rapid Descent of Alcoholism

Unlike my father, I had an education and culture, I had expensive, important artwork. Pre-registration for the new baby in best pre-schools was top of mind. And then, a nice glass of expensive whiskey in a crystal tumbler after a day of perfect execution. The slide was on like loose snow in an avalanche. My wife was emotionally more like my mom than I could imagine. The baby cried all night for ‘no reason’.

The investments were crashing, and the whiskey was warm and smooth. Please, I will spare you all the horrific and sad details, but I am sure you know how this story is ending.  Police, domestic disturbance, charges, shame, guilt, incredulity, frustration, and despair. Did I say shame?  Why am I an alcoholic? I don’t know, but I was a drunk, just like my father.

Why Am I An Alcoholic?

I found out it doesn’t matter why am I an alcoholic. I surrendered in that jail cell, holding my head in my hands and feeling the iron grip of powerlessness around my throat and heart. Accepting a 3-month stay at a residential alcohol treatment facility out of country changed my life. For the first time, I began to see what was missing in my life. Humility and acknowledgment that I am a spiritual being. For all my ‘culture and education’, somehow I was missing that piece.

I still don’t know the answer to why am I an alcoholic, but I know what the solution is – a holistic body, mind, spirit revolution/evolution that I work on every day. I am grateful that I got the best help available in a caring and professional international facility. Today my wife is an active Al-Anon member, and our ‘non-perfectly perfect’ child is about to enter a good school. If you need help, don’t hesitate. I grew up in the mess of active alcoholism, but today I live in the messy bliss of active recovery.

Private Pay Holistic Out of Country Alcohol Treatment

Serenity Vista is a non-insurance-dictated facility. Private pay means you get an individualized treatment program for you that is not dictated by a bureaucratic and over-wrought insurance industry.  Out of country rehab means that your treatment is your business, and not the government’s.

 

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