The 3 C’s: Coping With A Loved One’s Addiction
The Three ‘C’s of Al-Anon and Real Change
A psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one’s own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.
Alcoholism is a family illness. It is not only the addict or alcoholic that suffers. Even if family and friends are not in the grips of addiction themselves, they suffer nonetheless, and this suffering is often codependency.
To those held in the grip of codependency, it feels as if the whole world would fall down if they were not shoring it up with their own shoulders. A codependent often thinks: “If I don’t do this myself, it will never get done. Or at least not done correctly.” Codependents frequently exhaust themselves. It seems they are giving so much to others that they have little left for themselves. Alongside this exhaustion is resentment. Codependent people are often resentful. They think no one seems to notice their sacrifices. No one asks about their needs. This seems unfathomable to the codependent! They consider themselves to be so intuitive to the needs of others.
There is a recurring story in an active alcoholic home. A codependent will tell the story to themselves. And they also tell it to the alcoholic. They may tell anyone who will listen everything would be fine if the drinker would stop drinking. If the addict really cared about him/her, he/she could quit. The codependent throws fits. He tries to manipulate, cajole and “love” the drinker into sobriety.
The codependent person tries to change everyone around them. This effort in control is making the situation worse. His her actions and reactions are manifesting disharmony. He is unaware that, in reality, he has no control over another’s drinking. He is incapable of curing his loved one. Regardless of what he says or does. Regardless of what he doesn’t say or doesn’t do.
What are the 3 C’s?
Al-Anon Family Groups is a 12-step program and fellowship for friends and family members of alcoholics. Al-Anon members work their own program for their own good. The literature states the belief that changed attitudes can aid recovery. Many a person entered their first Al-Anon meeting in the hopes of finding a way to get the alcoholic in their life to stop drinking. Instead, many discover that their own peace and serenity is available independent of the alcoholic in their life. It is independent of anyone else, for that matter. They learn that happiness is possible when the focus changes from others to themselves. And this change can bring serenity and even happiness, regardless of whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Not long after entering, new members are introduced to a novel concept that both exhilarates and terrifies them. They did not cause this behavior, they cannot cure it, and most importantly, they cannot control it.
Help for the codependent
Serenity Vista Recovery Retreat in Panama understands addiction as a family illness. We are recognized as a top leading and affordable rehabilitation center for all of those affected by alcoholism and addiction, not just the addict themselves. Serenity Vista is one of the only places in the world that offers a full residential codependency treatment program.
Peace and serenity are available for everyone whose lives have become unmanageable. We are here to help. Alcoholics and addicts are not the only people that die from addiction. Codependency deserves rehab too! Take the quiz and contact Serenity Vista to get the help you deserve! You too can transform your life to one you truly love!
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